she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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