why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
