hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
