Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
