Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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