I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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