we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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