the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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