all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
