the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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