what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
