I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
