It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
