i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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