she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
BRING THE BAGELS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
