Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
either way he was missing a nipple.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
