sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
