I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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