Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
