I think I won the penis lottery.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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