I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
