Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
