twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
