im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
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