You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
