I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
