Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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