Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
