Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
