neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
