Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
