girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
