i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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