3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
