Your face is a jimmy john
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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