I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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