My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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