pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
is it fun? or sober?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
