I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
