I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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