i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
