um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
