Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
