Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
