tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
