she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
