I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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