remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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