to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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