So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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